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Writing Samples /
Band 3

The two figures below show the rate of criminal convictions among men and women of different ages in the UK and the proportion of male and female prison inmates in the British prison system. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#two #figures #show #rate #convictions #men #women #ages #uk #proportion #prison #inmates #british #system #information #features #comparisons
Both the given line chart and pie chart depict the
prison
 system in Britain, showing the percentage of offenders by
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 and
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
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,
accompanying
Wrong verb form
accompanied
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with
Change preposition
by
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 the gender proportions within the
prison
 inmates.
Overall
, men
has
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have
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 committed more crimes than women regardless of their ages, aligning with the data of
prison
 inmates in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of the jail inmates
is
Change the verb form
are
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 male, comprising
of
Change preposition
apply
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96% of the
overall
prison
 landscape; The rest
representing
Wrong verb form
represent
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 the female population. Taking a closer look at the convicted criminals by
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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, the amount of criminals significantly surges at a younger
age
 10 years old and
peak
Fix the agreement mistake
peaks
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 at 20 years old for both genders. Interestingly, 2% of men commit crime at an earlier stage of their lives as compared to women (0% at the
age
 of 10). For
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
 population, it demonstrates a sharp decline of the percentage until 60 (2%), yet remains plateau (8%) during 40 to 45.
Conversely
, the female statistics keep constant at two
age
 ranges, namely 25 to 30 (4%) and 45 to 85 (1%), during the fall
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 0% at
age
 60. In conclusion, not only male offenders are more commonly found,
constrasting
Correct your spelling
compared
 to male information,
there
Correct word choice
but there
show examples
 is no violation of regulations identified from females
at
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 10 and 60.
Submitted by ardentpicks on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction distinctly presents the overview of data provided in the charts. Avoid making ambiguous statements. Try to use a clear and concise introduction that outlines the main trends or features.
logical structure
It is essential to maintain logical sequencing of information. The logical structure can be improved by making clear and direct comparisons and ensuring paragraphing effectively separates different points.
supported main points
Support your main points with appropriate data. Include specific figures to substantiate the trends and differences you describe. Avoid being overly general in the description.
complete response
Address all parts of the task. Ensure you do not overlook any significant trends, comparisons, or features in the data. A complete response should cover all main aspects of the charts.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding upon the data provided in the charts. Enhance clarity by using a range of grammatical structures and vocabulary specific to the task.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant examples and data to back up your statements. Always make sure your examples are directly tied to the information provided in the charts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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