In the modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

#times #adults #time #families #friends #change #parents #force #children #home

In the new era, young individuals are getting along more with their friends and less with their folks.

This

is because youth spend hours in

institutions

and can understand each other well. I believe that guardians should not compel their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

to stay at home as

this

will have a bad impact on their

relation

Replace the word

relationship

show examples

. A hectic schedule made by schools and colleges

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

students

to spend most of their

time

in educational

institutions

with their friends.

This

made

students

feel that they share a good bond with each other and can solve problems amongst themselves.

For instance

institutions

in India prepare a schedule in

such

a way that

students

spend hours in

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

to achieve a high score in academics.

Thus

this

led

Change preposition

to a

show examples

gap in the relationship

Change preposition

between

show examples

parents

and their children and they feel that their friends can understand them in a much better way.

Moreover

, I consider that

parents

should not forcibly allow their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

to stay at home as

this

will make their

relation

Replace the word

relationship

show examples

worse.

Therefore

, children try to get rid of their guardians.

Additionally

parents

can build a good relationship by having conversations about their child's performance in academics, discussing each other's problems and maintaining a good, funny and healthy environment

atleast

Correct your spelling

at least

at dinner

time

instead

of watching their own mobiles. By spending quality

time

with each other, they can come closer and have a strong bond. In conclusion, spending a lot of

time

in educational

institutions

has restricted the

students

to get

Change preposition

from getting

show examples

along with

their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

and I feel that

parents

hanging out with their young ones

atleast

Correct your spelling

at least

dine

Replace the word

dinner

show examples

time

can build a strong

relation

Replace the word

relationship

show examples

rather than compelling their children to stay at home.

Submitted by ayesha.sidiqa21 on Fri Dec 15 2023

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task achievement

The essay partially addresses the prompt but lacks elaborate discussion and deeper analysis. To improve task achievement, ensure you explore each question in depth, provide specific examples, and elaborate on each point to fully answer the prompt.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

independence
establish
identity
influence
social media
digital communication
commitments
pressure
academic
profession
prioritize
cultural shifts
societal shifts
peer relationships
emotional support
guidance
voluntary
autonomy
balance
resilient
overbearing

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In the modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employment?

In the past, most people lived in small villages, where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only knew a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and the disadvantages of living in small community?