In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?
Nowadays, less
time
is being spent by children
with their families and more with their friends
. This
is because they are overload
with their own things Wrong verb form
overloaded
such
as studies or other evening sessions
, and I strongly believe that parents
should not push their children
to spend more time
with them because exposure to outside
world will enhance their confidence.
Overburden of studies or learning other skills is one of the major reasons that cause Add an article
the outside
children
to spend more time
with their peers. Usually
they spend most part of their day at school, where their Add a comma
Usually,
parents
are not with them and they get opportunity
to Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
make interactions
with their Verb problem
interact
friends
. When they come back home
after a long day, they attend another
evening Correct quantifier usage
apply
sessions
such
as gymnastics, dance , swimming
, where they again meet their Correct word choice
and swimming
friends
. In India, for instance
, most of
Change preposition
apply
children
attend different sessions
on different days, and they follow this
routine six days a week. Thus
, they don't get much time
to spend with their parents
.
I believe that parents
should not compel their children
to spend more time
at home
because exposure to outside
world will improve their confidence level. When they go out of their house and engage in activities, it encourages them to communicate ,exchange their ideas and collaborate with others. Doing all Add an article
the outside
this
makes them a confident individual. A particularly good example of this
is that when parents
encourage their children
to join their favorite
sports club rather than spending more Change the spelling
favourite
time
at home
, it make
them more energetic, social and active participant and they become more confident.
In conclusion, in today's Change the verb form
makes
time
Add a comma
time,
children
are busy with their studies or extra learning sessions
, which is why, they interact more with their friends
and less with their parents
. This
helps them to increase their confidence level, which is why, parents
should also
support them,
if they do not spend much Remove the comma
apply
time
at home
.Submitted by meghnabawa91 on
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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. While the general topic has been engaged with, the nuanced argumentation regarding parents enforcing time spent at home has not been fully developed. Provide a more balanced consideration of this aspect to enhance the response.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure can be enhanced by using clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitions between points can aid in smoother flow and comprehension. Aim for a progression of ideas that build upon each other to demonstrate strong coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more defined. Establish the context and your stance clearly in the introduction and mirror this in the conclusion. The conclusion should effectively summarize the key points made in the body without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Each main point presented would benefit from further support through the use of specific examples and detailed explanation. Rather than making generalized statements, illustrate your points with clear, relevant examples that support the argument you are making.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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