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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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In the
Change preposition
The
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given
Verb problem
apply
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pie
chats
Correct your spelling
charts
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 illustrate the proportion of working
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
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 activities during the weekdays and the
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 between in
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1958 and 2008. The activities are specified in six types, working, sleeping, relaxing at home, going out,
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
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 to work, and other interests or playing sports. All the figures are presented in per cent.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that in both years, working and sleeping
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the majority of
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 that adults
spent
Verb problem
do
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. In terms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1958, working adults used
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of
the
Change the word
their
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 time for working and sleeping in almost the same amount, 33% and 32%, respectively. Meanwhile, in 50 years ahead, working proportion was increased to 42% and sleeping decreased
for
Change preposition
by
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 8% compared with the initial year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, going out
experieced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a
significat
Correct your spelling
significant
 drop, from 19% to 6%.
However
Linking Words
, time for relaxing at home between 1958 and 2008, slightly rose by 5% to 13% in the
last
Linking Words
 year. Travel to work in 1958 only used 2%,
while
Linking Words
 in 2008 increased to 8%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, other interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing sports has a minor change from 6% to 8%.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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