IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

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It is quite common these days that, some employers believe that
,
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 the educational and academic qualifications are more significant than the personal experience in the job vacancies.
This
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 essay will expatiate the reasons
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for
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this
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 phenomenon and how
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 statement influences
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our society and a logical conclusion will be drawn. There are several causes, why the human resource departments in some companies prefer more educational certificates and
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achievements.
First,
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these types of qualifications often illustrate
formal
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a formal
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 and serious form of the candidates. In order, to find
best
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the best
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 option, the companies choose
most
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the most
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 comprehensive workers.
The employees
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Employees
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 with high educational qualifications are
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 associated with
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personal abilities,
such
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 as
hardworking
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hard work
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, communication
skill
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skills
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 and problem-solving. As an example, the workers with better curriculum vitae have more chances than others.
Although
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,
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 it is a logical evaluating method,
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 is perhaps not the most reasonable one in terms of selecting the most skilfulness candidate. Nowadays, it is more considerable to have better soft skills
such
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 as
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teamwork,
capacity
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the capacity
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 to adapt to changes, reliability or
ability
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the ability
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 to multitask, than a good university or better grades.
The employees
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Employees
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, who have personal life experience and work in
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many places ,
such
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 as volunteer activities,
part-time
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and part-time
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working
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work
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 may better adapt to
workplace
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the workplace
a workplace
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 environment.
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, achieve more results for a company.
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,
ignore
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 these factors and
focus
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focusing
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 only
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on
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the
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apply
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educational achievements can negatively affect
company’s
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a company’s
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 future.
For instance
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, statistics show workers with better personal experience, gain better achievements. In conclusion, It is understandable that
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employers can rely on
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educational accomplishments as the main criteria in
selection
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the selection
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 process. Despite
this
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, can not be considered
as
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a positive trend as soft skills that are documented through
the
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personal experiences should
also
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 be taken into consideration in
this
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 process.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, both could be strengthened by being more explicit in the presentation of the main argument and summarizing key points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are somewhat supported, but could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer connection to the thesis throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your response is relevant and addresses the prompt, but could be developed further to demonstrate a fully comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but consider enhancing them to show a deeper level of thought and a broader scope of understanding.
task achievement
Use more relevant specific examples to reinforce your arguments. This could include citing particular studies, providing hypothetical scenarios, or referencing known industry trends to support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standardized measure
  • specialized expertise
  • dedication
  • long-term goal
  • higher education
  • practical skills
  • adaptability
  • problem-solving abilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • homogeneous
  • diverse perspectives
  • negative development
  • inequality
  • valuable skills
  • insights
  • balanced approach
  • proficiency
  • safety standards
  • candidate's profile
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