IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

One of your friends wants to apply for a job at a summer school camp as a sports trainer. Write a letter to the camp manager to recommend your friend. in your letter: -say how well you know your friend -describe the qualifications and experience that your friend has -explain why your friend would be suitable for this job

#friends #job #summer #school #camp #sports #trainer #manager #friend #-say #-describe #qualifications #-explain
Dear Sir, I am writing in connection to recruiting someone as a sports
trainer
. I can suggest to you someone
as
Correct pronoun usage
who as
show examples
 a
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
since
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
University, which is best, my friend. My friend has completed the university as a professional sports
trainer
 in PHD major from
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 university in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
. He has a variety
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
 in different
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 as a
trainer
, and he was a popular coach rather than the others. As I said before, I knew completely him, and I reckon that he is the best
trainer
 I
know
Wrong verb form
have known
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
whole my life
also
, he
training
Wrong verb form
trains
show examples
 even children. He is a tidy man and punctual. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Mustafa
Submitted by mustafaabedinasab on

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coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a proper introduction that sets the context, and the organization could be improved to enhance readability and flow. Consider adding an opening sentence that immediately addresses the purpose of the letter. Each paragraph should clearly represent a single idea.
task achievement
The letter only partially fulfills the task requirements. To improve, provide specific examples of your friend's qualifications and experience, and give detailed reasons as to why he would be suitable for the job. Refer to the tasks set out in the question more directly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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