Some employers of their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staf healthier and thus more ef ective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

In numerous companies, there are facilities
such
as free membership in a particular
sport
.
While
the employers will take advantage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
reaching their fulfilled working target, they only waste the capital by
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of workforces. On the one hand,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
will waste money as, nowadays, being sporty is a disciplined decision,
not
Correct word choice
and not
show examples
everyone
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
to do it. When firms dedicate their contribution
helping
Change preposition
to helping
show examples
their staff to be fit, they have to facilitate it to all of their staff. Olin,
for example
, an owner of Rumah Indah Agency, acknowledges that her regulation of giving involvement of her workforce running club card had
overwhelm
Change the verb form
overwhelmed
show examples
her finance team.
This
is because they have to stabilize their fund stream by cutting money
of
Change preposition
off
show examples
the other program.
Thus
, it needs
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
financial supply so that no one, signed in to the organization, skipped receiving support to be a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
member.
Nevertheless
,
facilitating
Change preposition
by facilitating
show examples
all the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
to join
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities, numerous organizations' purpose
incline
Wrong verb form
inclined
show examples
to be succeeded.
This
is
due to
the fact successful organizations come from productive human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
, relating to their physical attributes. These are supported by
Correct article usage
the exercise
show examples
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
they do. The higher frequency it is done, the healthier they are,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the workers will stay more energetic
while
doing their tasks.
Therefore
, those would be finalized well by powerful personnel. In conclusion, giving a chance to get
membership
Correct article usage
a membership
show examples
program is effective to the company itself as the project would be ensured finished.
As well as
,
this
will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
needed which fewer people would persevere in training.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity and organization by presenting ideas in a logical sequence and using clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your introduction, clearly state the topic and your position, and provide a brief outline of the key points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, and to help the essay flow more naturally.
Task Achievement
Be sure to fully answer the question, providing a balanced discussion of both views before stating your conclusion.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with clear, comprehensive ideas and support them with relevant, specific examples or evidence.
Task Achievement
Revise your essay and check for any grammatical, spelling or punctuation mistakes.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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