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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the difference in time consumption of working
adults
Use synonyms
 in various activities in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same country but in different years.
Overall
Linking Words
 there was a noticeable change in percentage in the given years. In 1958, 33 percent
Use synonyms
adults
Change preposition
of adults
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 were working and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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2% were traveling for work.
While
Linking Words
 8% were relaxing at home ,
also
Linking Words
 the 32%
Use synonyms
adults
Change preposition
of adults
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 were sleeping.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 19%
were enjoying by
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
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 going out with their friends and family
while
Linking Words
 the left 6%
were having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 other
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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 like playing sports. Moving towards 2008, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 42%
Use synonyms
adults
Change preposition
of adults
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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were working and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
8% were
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 for work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 13% were relaxing and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
25% of
adults
Use synonyms
 were sleeping. And
the
Correct article usage
a
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 13% decrease in the
adults
Use synonyms
 going out with their family, which is 6% and the rest of
8
Correct article usage
the 8
show examples
%
were having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 other
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. In conclusion,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both pie chart shows growth in
spending
Correct article usage
the spending
show examples
 times of
adults
Use synonyms
 in 1958 compared to 2008. And 2008 is leading in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of increasing 9% of working and 6% of
adults
Use synonyms
 who were
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 for work.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • percentage
  • activities
  • working adults
  • summarise
  • report
  • main features
  • comparisons
  • relevant
  • time spent
  • work-related
  • leisure
  • personal care
  • travel
  • noticeable trends
  • over a period
  • devoted
  • significant changes
  • contrast
  • compare
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