IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths ang weaknesses. it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender ?

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Firstly
Linking Words
 , it is true that boys and girls have different strengths. Men will almost always have more strength than
women
Use synonyms
. but there are still some individuals who are female but they are still very strong. Of course, each side has its own strengths and weaknesses. If we try to always learn and practice, nothing is difficult for us.
For example
Linking Words
, a man can do a job like singing,
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 can a woman. can do. That means that gender is not important, but passion is the effort that allows us to do everything.
Secondly
Linking Words
, eliminating male or female jobs because of their gender is completely wrong. We all have our own talents, deserve a jobs opportunity and are treated equally. Men can
also
Linking Words
 do the work of
women
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 too.
However
Linking Words
, their work must help improve their society. If they are forced to do a job they do not like, they will feel underestimated and depressed. Since
then
Linking Words
, work productivity has decreased, making society no longer develop strongly. So gender does not
decided
Change the verb form
decide
show examples
 what we will do, but passion will lead us to what we want .
Finally
Linking Words
 , men and
women
Use synonyms
 both have different strengths and weaknesses. each of us is the same. Choose for yourself something that you are passionate about and love, not imitating someone else

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and your opinion clearly, followed by a conclusion that summarizes your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow by organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences and appropriate transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with concrete examples to illustrate your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Fully address the question by providing a balanced discussion on the reasons for and against excluding males/females from certain professions based on gender, and ensure that you answer directly if it's right or wrong.
task achievement
Express ideas clearly and comprehensively, avoiding vague statements and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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