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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in many countries today, if people want to find a job , they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #job #move #friends #families #development
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In the modern era, moving away from hometown and relatives to work in a corporation is getting widespread. It can lead to numerous problems which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 me reluctant to endorse it and I fully disagree with it.
To begin
 with, getting
separate
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separated
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 from family to take a job has
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of critics. Settling in a city
that
Correct word choice
where
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 they don't have any family
member
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members
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 makes individuals more lonely which is a prevalent problem in
this
 era and leads to dangerous disorders like depression.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, family and friends can motivate people to put effort
on
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into
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 their future and can be emotional supporters in difficult situations as well.
Hence
, deprivation of
this
 boon can make people less motivated for their future and lives and it can influence their
works
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work
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 and studies.
For example
, when I was in seventh grade, I should have gone to another city for my school and after that, I was thinking about my family constantly and I couldn't concentrate.
On the other hand
, proponents of moving away from relatives tout its advantages. Living with family can bring individuals less responsibility.
Initially
, it may
seems
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seem
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 an advantage but it keeps youth away from
reality
Add an article
the reality
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 of life and
makes
Verb problem
creates
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 a lot of problems for them when they get married.
Therefore
, being
indipendent
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independent
 can contribute to
tackle
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tackling
show examples
this
 problem and help people to manage their lives and inputs and outputs monthly.
For instance
, researches indicate that about 80
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of couples who have experienced
indipedence
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independence
 before marriage have a successful marriage
while
 it is 56
percent
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per cent
show examples
for
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of
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 youth who lived with their parents. To
coclude
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conclude
, moving to new places for new jobs, away from family is becoming viral which brings some problems and benefits, too. I think its advantages don't
outwegh
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outweigh
 its disadvantages and hope someday all members of society
could
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can
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 live with their families without any concerns.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on the issue. It should briefly outline the points you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop a clear logical structure by organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a central topic. Use linking words and phrases effectively to connect these ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Provide a conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed in the essay without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that you give a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages if required by the question.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively by explaining and elaborating on each point. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples should be detailed enough to illustrate the point being made clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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