IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart above shows the percentage of people consuming five servings of fruit and vegetables divided by three categories of men, women and children in the UK between 2001 and 2008.

The chart above shows the percentage of people consuming five servings of fruit and vegetables divided by three categories of men, women and children in the UK between 2001 and 2008.
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The picture denotes the percentages of
men
Use synonyms
,
women
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 and children that
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2001 until 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
women
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 possessed the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
portion
Use synonyms
 in eating
fruit
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 and
vegetables
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, and
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2001 until 2006, the percentages of all the categories almost
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced a rise
stability
Change preposition
in stability
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. In every period,
women
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eaten
Add the auxiliary verb
ate
have eaten
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 with the biggest value namely 21% in 2001, over 30% in 2006 and less than a third in 2008. 2006 was the highest percentage
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
. Perhaps, the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 consume more
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 it was dietary
choises
Correct your spelling
choices
 and health consciousness. In second position that consumes that food
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
men
Use synonyms
. In 2001,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
portion
Use synonyms
 of
men
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 was 17%, 27
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 in 2006, and 30% in the final result.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the children had the smallest rank in year-on-year analysis. 12% was
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of young people that
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 in 2001, and 2007 was the highest between 2001 and 2008.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 2001 until 2006,
Use synonyms
portion
Correct your spelling
the proportion
show examples
 of
women
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 increased, but it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dwindled in 2007 and 2008. Wheres. the percentages of
men
Use synonyms
 and children
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 stable
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2001 until 2003 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
portion
Use synonyms
12
Change preposition
of 12
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% and 17%.
Then
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2004 until 2007
was
Correct pronoun usage
there was
show examples
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 increase, but both of these categories slumped in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, fruit, vegetables, portion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumption
  • Servings
  • Nutritional habits
  • Steady increase/decrease
  • Fluctuations
  • Dietary choices
  • Health consciousness
  • Public health campaigns
  • Demographic differences
  • Statistical comparison
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Year-on-year analysis
  • Gender disparity
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