IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself •explain what experience and special skills you have •explain why you are interested in the job

#advertisement #english #newspaper #job #city #museum #shop #holidays #director #•introduce #•explain #skills
Dear Sir/Madam I am writing to inform my interest
of
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in
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 your advertisement for a job
about
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apply
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working in the City Museum shop. I would like to introduce myself. I am a student and
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 as an economist
in
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at
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 the Univeristy of Melburn. I am 20 years old and
could
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can
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 speak English
fluency
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fluently
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. I have not any
experiences
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experience
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 of
a
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apply
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shop work but I consider it will be easy for me to do that work because I like
more
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it more
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 Museum and have the skills to
comunicate
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communicate
 with
custumers
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customers
. I wish to tell you that it is a nice chance to work during my summer holidays. I
am consider
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consider
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this
 job
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to gives
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gives
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give
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 me a portion of new skills
of
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in
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the
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apply
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shopping. I could start my new job
1st
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on 1st
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 July . I am looking forward to
hear
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hearing
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you
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your
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 answer . Yours faithfully Zohrab
Submitted by zohrab-gevorgyan on

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed specifically. Mentioning your experience more concretely, highlighting particular skills related to the job, and explaining why you are interested in the position with specific details would improve this aspect.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use paragraphing effectively to organize your ideas clearly. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that summarizes its main idea, followed by supporting details. Make sure there is a clear connection between your ideas and use linking words to help the text flow naturally.
General Advice
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to maintain a professional tone appropriate for a job application. Correct use of punctuation and sentence structures will also improve the readability and effectiveness of the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dear Director,
  • enthusiastic applicant
  • pursuing a degree in
  • customer service experience
  • volunteer work
  • multilingual
  • cash handling
  • POS systems
  • team player
  • punctual
  • excellent communicator
  • cultural enthusiast
  • part-time position
  • professional references available
  • at your earliest convenience
What to do next:
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