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Band 5

The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparison where relevant.

The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparison where relevant.
#show #sales #sectors #zealand #summarise #information #features #comparison
The graphs illustrate the
shifting
Replace the word
shift
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sales between 2003 and 2013 in New Zealand. there are four
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 shown in
this
charts
Fix the agreement mistake
chart
show examples
containing
Verb problem
apply
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music, travel,
books
 and clothes. There are some of similar interest to some of
entertaining
Add an article
the entertaining
show examples
 needs after decade,
such
 as travelling which always the most popular sales in New Zealand.
although
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2013 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still like
going
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to travel, to refresh their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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, to know other
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and
enjoying
Change the verb form
to enjoy
show examples
 the magnificent
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 aspect
also
Correct pronoun usage
that also
show examples
 has been
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
decreased
show examples
 for a decade is the interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 buying
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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clothes,
people
 tend to wear or buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
clothes
then
 it will be durable, so they wouldn’t buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 all over the years.
On the other hand
, Nowadays
people
 are becoming more keen on music/film and
books
 for their entertainment. Technology development and
newest
Correct article usage
the newest
show examples
discovery
Fix the agreement mistake
discoveries
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 impacted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their habits in New Zealand, it is good to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
books
 because
books
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the window
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 knowledge.
To sum up
,
people
 are shifting their interest from
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to film and music. because
people
 are easy to access and cheap,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 only on the tip of our finger.
beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 travelling needs a lot of money to
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 and not as easy as other be.
Submitted by laelanisfi15 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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