Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the argument from both aspect of this possible debate, and reach conclusion.

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Some taskmasters suggest their
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
subsidized
Add a missing verb
be subsidized
show examples
to participate in gyms and
sport area
Fix the agreement mistake
sports areas
show examples
, they claim that
this
will make their workforce healthier and
therefore
effective at
accupation
Correct your spelling
occupation
. Whilst
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
believe that, there aren’t
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
in
this
matter. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I am going to examine
this
question from both points of view and give my own opinion on the matter. On the one hand, some people reasonably argue that
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
activity is not
priority
Add an article
a priority
the priority
show examples
for all workers, there are believe that there are many noticeable issues in their work and
life
and should be
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
matters.
Thus
, they prefer to acquire some financial reward
such
as bonuses as
incentive
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incentives
show examples
. They admit that
this
kind of
privileges
Fix the agreement mistake
privilege
show examples
let
Verb problem
allows
show examples
them to choose freely what activity they tend to do.
On the other hand
, other
group
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groups
show examples
of people claim that
this
kind of
perks
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perk
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a lot of merits for
staffs
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staff
show examples
, they insist that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role in our
life
there for do
regularly
Change the word
regular
show examples
exercise
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
our anxiety and stress in daily activity and
this
matter
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to increase quality our performance at the work environment
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
output of companies or organization rise.
To conclude
, in my view employer should pay attention to worker’s
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
precisely and evaluate their needs sufficiently and
according to
them give them perks or financial
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
and beside them pay attention to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
healthy
Add an article
the healthy
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
of workers.
Submitted by zahranajafi107 on

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grammar
Focus on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Some of the sentences are convoluted and can be made simpler for better understanding.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support the arguments. Examples make the essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clear and consistent use of tenses. There are some inconsistencies that affect the overall coherence.
task response
The essay addresses both perspectives of the debate, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.
task response
The arguments are relevant to the topic and show a good understanding of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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