IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.
#bar #graphs #proportion #reality #game #men #women #age #groups #australia
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The bar charts provide gender
dissagregated
Correct your spelling
disaggregated
 data across different
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 on the percentage of
Australian
Add an article
the Australian
show examples
 population who saw reality and game shows.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that reality shows are more popular
on
Change preposition
among
show examples
 women,
while
Linking Words
 the highest percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 who watch game shows are men. The first chart shows that almost 70%
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 watch reality shows and the proportion of men who
watched
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 the show is only
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 35%. People
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 more than 45 years old watch the shows most often. The next chart
describe
Change the verb form
describes
show examples
 that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are watching the game shows almost as much as
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. People whose
age
Use synonyms
 above 45 years old watch the shows most often,
while
Linking Words
 people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
between
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
25
Change preposition
of 25
show examples
-34 watch
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 least often.
Submitted by NA on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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