IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the information of the number of volunteers and paid workers in 4 different roles in the sports sector of an Australian town in 2015.

The bar chart shows the information of the number of volunteers and paid workers in 4 different roles in the sports sector of an Australian town in 2015.
#bar #information #volunteers #workers #roles #sports #sector #australian #town
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The column chart illustrates how many paid workers and volunteers worked in 4 different roles in a city in Australia in the year 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of volunteers who served as a coach, a therapist or other sections was more than paid workers except for
referee
Use synonyms
 occupation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, volunteer coaches
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the highest population. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who earned money and worked in
therapist
Correct article usage
the therapist
show examples
 and
referee
Use synonyms
 sectors
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 equal. It can be seen that volunteering in
coaching
Correct article usage
the coaching
show examples
 section had the most popularity with nearly 74 participants.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who were employed as volunteers
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
Use synonyms
referee
Fix the agreement mistake
referees
show examples
 were the smallest
number
Use synonyms
 at approximately 30 individuals. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who were occupied in
therapist
Fix the agreement mistake
therapists
show examples
 were equal to
Use synonyms
referee
Correct article usage
the referee
show examples
 sectors at 40
people
Use synonyms
. It is worth mentioning that volunteering in other section
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 was the second largest group with 60 participants.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, referee, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • volunteers
  • paid workers
  • roles
  • sports sector
  • Australian town
  • duties
  • motivations
  • significance
  • contribution
  • professionalism
  • specialization
  • sustainability
  • distribution
  • trends
  • volunteerism
  • community engagement
  • professional development
  • accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: