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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts shows the details the percentage of two types of television programmes, namely reality and game shows watched by males and females in different age groups in Australia.

The bar charts shows the details the percentage of two types of television programmes, namely reality and game shows watched by males and females in different age groups in Australia.
#bar #percentage #two #television #programmes #reality #game #males #females #age #groups #australia
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The charts illuminate the percentage of two different
variation
Change to a plural noun
variations
show examples
 of television
chanels
Correct your spelling
channels
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 reality and game shows watched by men and women,
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
 by age in Australia. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that females spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time more than males in terms of watching TV shows. Interestingly, based on the data shown, the older
people
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get, the more they spend their time watching shows on TV. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who watch reality shows shows a gradual interest rate, the more
people
Use synonyms
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
. Approximately
around
Rephrase
apply
show examples
50% of
16
Correct article usage
the 16
show examples
-
24 years-old
Correct your spelling
24-year-old
 group watches
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality shows.
This
Linking Words
 number is rising to a maximum of almost 60% in 45 aged
people
Use synonyms
 above. Despite the downtrend of game shows watching rates, from 50% in
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation, it
then
Linking Words
 dropped to just roughly 40% in
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44 years-old community.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure is rising to almost 70% in
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 group.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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