IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts give information about the proportion males and females in employment in six categories divided into manual and non-manual occupations

The pie charts give information about the proportion males and females in employment in six categories divided into manual and non-manual occupations
#information #proportion #males #females #employment #six #categories #occupations
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The pie charts show data about the rate of different
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in different 6
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of work
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 manual and non-manual.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the percentage of general labourers, craft or similar are almost same for female and male, meanwhile, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no big differences between
man
Use synonyms
 and female rate about
this
Linking Words
 categories. It is clearly observed that the proportion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who work clerical or related is more than five times
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
Use synonyms
man's
Change noun form
of men
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the total percentage of manual jobs shows that
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 prefer these
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 more than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 by 62%,
33
Correct word choice
and 33
show examples
% respectively. So
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of clerical or related is well over than
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 for women.
Moreover
Linking Words
, other non-manual for
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 slightly more than
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 like 3%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, managerial and professional is the most popular job for
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 because of the highest percentage(36%).
To sum up
Linking Words
, there is no balance between gender and type of job preferences
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
given information.
Submitted by emiretatli7 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words man with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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