IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

percentage of full workers holding a university degree and average salary of graduates

The line and table charts provided illustrate a comparison between the statistics of full-time service and average annual payroll for alum in mathematics and all majors in Australian universities from 2004 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, scientific
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 outperformed
recipient
Fix the agreement mistake
recipients
show examples
 in terms of
both
Use synonyms
 average
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 and full-time enrollment.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of scientific alumna securing full-time contracting remained steady, salaries increased over time for
both
Use synonyms
 numerical and general
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
. To elaborate
further
Linking Words
, in 2004, roughly 60% of all
recipient
Fix the agreement mistake
recipients
show examples
 obtained full-time trade,
while
Linking Words
 approximately 80% of scientific
grad
Fix the agreement mistake
grads
show examples
 secured a full-time job. These percentages increased by approximately 10% in the following two to three years.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion decreased for
both
Use synonyms
 groups
thereafter
Linking Words
, and by 2012, the figures were almost the same as those of 2004. Regarding the average annual income, in 2004, the average annual wage for all alum was about $41,000, which was
also
Linking Words
 the same figure for analytical
alumnus
Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
show examples
. Over the next eight years, salaries increased for
both
Use synonyms
 groups, but the salaries for math
alumnus
Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
show examples
 increased more than those for all grad. Eventually, in 2012, reckon
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 earned a yearly earnings of $56,000,
while
Linking Words
 general former-student received approximately $51,000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary Consistency
To enhance clarity, be consistent with the terminology used throughout your essay. For instance, 'alum', 'recipient', 'doctor', and 'former-student' refer to graduates, but the switch between terms can be confusing.
Tone and Register
Make sure to maintain a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using colloquial phrases or informal abbreviations that might not be clear to all readers.
Linking Words Usage
For even clearer coherence, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more naturally.
Clear Overview
Provided a clear overview of the main trends in both line and table charts.
Effective Data Comparison
Demonstrated a good ability to describe and compare data effectively, conveying trends over time.
Structured Progression
Used a structure that allowed for an organized progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: