IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have a problem with a recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter: Describe the problem the new employee has caused Explain how other employees about the new employee’s conduct Say how you expect the HR manager to address the situation.

#employee #workplace #hr #manager #employees #employee’s #conduct #address #situation
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Dear Manager, I am writing
this
 letter to regarding I have problem with new
employee's
Change the noun form
employees
employee
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 in my
jobdisk
Correct your spelling
job disk
. I hope you fast respond about the issue and
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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take action
this
Change preposition
on this
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 problem
Correct your spelling
First
Firts
Correct your spelling
First
 of all, I would like to describe
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the issue to
new
Correct article usage
the new
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employee's
Change noun form
employees
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,
firtsly
Correct your spelling
firstly
 they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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always
did
Verb problem
make
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mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
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 and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 hear
Correct your spelling
instruction
instructions
instructioin
Correct your spelling
instructions
the
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from the
show examples
Correct your spelling
boss
bos
Correct your spelling
staff
 and they
are
Verb problem
find
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 fell difficult to learn new
thing
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things
show examples
 in the
company
secondly
 they are always late
come
Verb problem
apply
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to
office
Add an article
the office
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 and they can not
disipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
However
, Other employees always training the new
employee's
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employees
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 but the new
employee's
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employees
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 can not follow
Correct article usage
the rule
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
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the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
company
 and they are
permision
Correct your spelling
permission
 to toilet and they long time
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 back in
jobdisk
Correct your spelling
job desk
job disk
 and the
company
 can not work well. they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can not work
together with
 other employees I hope you take fast action
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 issue and you can look for other new employees that
suitable
Add a missing verb
are suitable
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 for your
company
 from
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 and
skils
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
. Thank you so much for your time, I hope you
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
healtly
Correct your spelling
healthy
. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
your
Replace the word
you're
you are
show examples
 sincerely . purnoo
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
Make sure to proofread your letter for spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples for your complaints to make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing your letter into clear paragraphs with each one covering a single idea.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next with appropriate transitional phrases.
greeting and closing
You have included an introduction and a closing which is important for any formal letter.
suitable writing tone
Your tone is generally polite and formal, which is suitable for a letter to the HR manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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