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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevent.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevent.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relevent
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The graph illustrates the number of
men
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 ages 15 to 65 and over, who did regular
activicties
Correct your spelling
activities
 in 2010. The number of
men
Use synonyms
 who were between 15 to 24 by more than 50% was more than
women
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same age,
however
Linking Words
;
this
Linking Words
 amount changed
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 them in ages 25 to 34
men
Use synonyms
 by
almoust
Correct your spelling
almost
 42 percent and
women
Use synonyms
 increased by 48%. During the time when
this
Linking Words
 group were 35 to 44
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 boomed
by52.2
Correct your spelling
by 52.2
 and
men
Use synonyms
 decreased by 39.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. age 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 both of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 people groups had not any big change and were in the same,
men
Use synonyms
 were
approximaitly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 45 or
also
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 were
almoust
Correct your spelling
almost
 53 or more.
This
Linking Words
 amount of
activty
Correct your spelling
activity
 in 65 age or over
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
almoust
Correct your spelling
most
almost
 likely to each other
men
Use synonyms
 by 46.7 and
women
Use synonyms
47.1
Change preposition
by 47.1
show examples
. the groups of females who had been doing regular activities
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more than male in 4 categories, that 25 to 34,
35to
Correct your spelling
35 to
 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64, evendogh
men
Use synonyms
 were more in 15 to24 ages.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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