You work for the Angus Hotel Group. There is a new position opening in your department. Write to your manager and apply for the job. In the letter, -Describe who you are and current role -Explain why you would like to apply for the new position -Suggest how the manager can assist with your application

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Dear Sir, I hope you are doing well, I saw on Instagram there is open recruitment at your
departement
Correct your spelling
department
. I am
wiriting
Correct your spelling
writing
this
Linking Words
letter to inform you
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
some
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
all about me. Let me explain it. I am Taufiqurrahman from
lombok
Change the capitalization
Lombok
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close to the hotel, I am 23 years old. Currently
as
Correct your spelling
a
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jobseeker and have a several of the experience at hotel
as well as
Linking Words
a Housekeeping.
During
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While
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working at the hotel previously there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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some activities
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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related
with
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to
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this
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position The position is related
with
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to
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my experience as a housekeeping
before
Rephrase
apply
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.
Therefore
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, I am very
interesting
Replace the word
interested
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to
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in applying
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apply
Add the preposition
apply for
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a job and I believe will
be
Verb problem
make
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strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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contribution
with
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to
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the company.
Furthemore
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Furthermore
, I would like to develop my
ability
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abilities
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at your company,
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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make
Verb problem
have
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new experiences which is the most
of
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apply
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important for me. Hopefully, you can be kind
to
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enough to
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receive
Verb problem
invite
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me to join
with
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apply
show examples
you and I hope in the future I will be useful,
that is
Linking Words
why you must consider
due to
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you need some employees that
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
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the a
Choose an article
the
a
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position. Thank you so much, I am looking forward to hearing you soon. Yours
Sircenly
Correct your spelling
Sincerely
Levi
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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Language
Make sure to proofread your text for spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, 'I am wiriting' should be 'I am writing', 'departement' should be 'department', and 'furthemore' should be 'furthermore'.
Tone
Your letter is clear, but try to maintain a formal tone throughout. Phrases like 'I hope you are doing well' can be replaced with something more professional like 'I hope this letter finds you well.'
Task Response
You have addressed all the required points, including your current role, reasons for applying, and how the manager can assist you.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured, each focusing on a distinct idea.

The Closing

The style of the letter determine how you have to close it.

Check out the suggested closing sentences for each type of letter in the General IELTS Test. The closing sentence should be the last sentence of your letter.

Formal style (To someone you have not met, whose name you don’t know)

  • Yours faithfully,

Semi-formal (To someone you may or may not have met, whose last name you know)

  • Yours sincerely,

Informal (To someone you know well, whose first name you know and use)

  • Best regards,
  • Warm wishes,

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