IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ou should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

ou should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts introduce the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 from different
age
Use synonyms
 ranges who work in the state segment in the UK in the years 2015 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, about half of the
employees
Use synonyms
 were at the ages 21-30 and over 50 in the first
year
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, most of the
employees
Use synonyms
 in the second
year
Use synonyms
 were from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 21-30.
Whereas
Linking Words
 , the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 under 21 and over 50
reduced
Add a missing verb
was reduced
show examples
. In 2015, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportion of recruitment belonged to the
age
Use synonyms
 group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under 21 , with 14% .Compared to other groups , the following one is
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group of 41-50 with almost the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
, with a difference of 5 units.
While
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the
employment
Use synonyms
 with equal
percentage
Use synonyms
 were 21-30 and over 50 , with 23% respectively. People aged 31-40
compiled
Verb problem
comprised
show examples
 21% of the whole
workers
Correct quantifier usage
number of workers
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
. In 2020, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of young people under 21 and adults over 50 reduced by 2% and 7%.
Also
Linking Words
, people from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 31-40 witnessed a decrease in
this
Linking Words
 period by 10%. Workers in their 20s increased and reached the peak of 33% of
employment
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of workers who were in the 40s increased and composed 28% of the total
employment
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, employees, age, year, employment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: