IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
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The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors
in
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between the period 1930 to 2010 in the USA . To commence with ,
overall
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 The number of people who were employed in industrial , sales and office and technical increased over the past 80 years ,
while
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 the population in farming, fishing and foresting decreased dramatically . It is
also
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 noticeable that employees in the remaining services were the most stable despite the fluctuation in the beginning period.Between 1930 and 2010, the percentage of employees in industrial and technical rose drastically to approximately 38 % and 30 % respectively The number of sales and offices
also
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 increased ,but much less significantly to just 20% .
By contrast
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, the figure for employees in farming,fishing and foresting showed a downward trend, dropping sharply from 78% to nearly 3%
at the end
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 of the period .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • labour force employment
  • economic sectors
  • industrial sector
  • sales and office
  • farming and fishing and foresting
  • technical sector
  • other services
  • general trend
  • consistent rises or falls
  • dramatically declined
  • rural economies
  • shifts in labor demand
  • industrial boom
  • recessions
  • outsourcing trends
  • post-World War II
  • digital age
  • consumer-driven economy
  • socio-economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • broad socio-economic trends
  • globalization
  • consumer habits
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