IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #proportion #staff #age #sector #uk #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart
informs
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 the
percentage
 of the group of
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some interval of
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 who
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 2015 and 2020. In 2015, most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 who worked in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
 were aged over 50
years
 old or 21-30
years
 old.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 in
2020
Add a comma
2020,
show examples
 there was 33% of
people
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
worked in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
between
Add a missing verb
were between
show examples
 21 and 30
years
 old. The
percentage
 of 41-50
years
 old
people
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
 was increase from 2015 to 2020 with
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 19% and 28%, respectively.
In contrast
, there was a huge decrease in the
percentage
 of the group of 31-
40
Correct your spelling
40-year-olds
years
 old’s
people
 between 2015 and 2020 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
up
Change preposition
of up
show examples
 to 10% differentiation. There was a slight decrease for
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 21
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of
people
 which was up to 2%.
Furthermore
,
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged in interval 21-
30
Correct word choice
and 30
show examples
years
 old skyrocketed from 23% in 2015 to 33% in 2020.
Submitted by rose on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, people, sector, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!