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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
tabel
Correct your spelling
table
 illustrates
Correct article usage
a combarison
show examples
combarison
Correct your spelling
comparison
comparisons
 between three companies (Eldan Ltb , Bamforth
Ltd
Use synonyms
 and Finisbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
 in the number of women who
paticipate
Correct your spelling
participate
participated
 in senior
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 from 1975 to 2015. The data are
museared
Correct your spelling
mustard
 in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, all companies
experienc
Correct your spelling
experienced
Correct article usage
an upwared
show examples
upwared
Correct your spelling
upward
 trend during the period. The most significant change can be seen in 2015 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the highest and lowest percentages
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 done in Eldan
Ltd
Use synonyms
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of
femal
Correct your spelling
females
 was
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
for Eldan
Ltd
Use synonyms
 at 3% in 1975 and it remained stable next
fife
Correct your spelling
five
show examples
 years.
However
Linking Words
 , the figure showed a dramatic increase to
a14
Correct your spelling
14
% in 1985 and rose to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double in 1990 at 28%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the data continued to rise to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 64% in 2015.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
thw
Correct your spelling
the
other hand
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
, the initial
rate
Use synonyms
 for Bamforth
Ltd
Use synonyms
 was 9% in 1975 which makes it
lowe
Correct your spelling
lower
show examples
 than
Finisbury
Correct your spelling
Finsbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
 by around
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double.Meanwhile , Bamforth
Ltd
Use synonyms
 increased gradually
throught
Correct your spelling
through
throughout
 the
perioud
Correct your spelling
period
,
while
Linking Words
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is some
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuation
show examples
 in Finsbury
Ltd
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 . It
stared
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
 at 16% in 1975 but, the
rate
Use synonyms
decliened
Correct your spelling
declined
 to 15% in 1985.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 it rose again and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 26% in 2015

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ltd, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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