Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?
I totally agree with the idea that companies should allocate a certain
propotion
of Correct your spelling
proportion
the
high-level Correct article usage
apply
positions
to women. Although
over 50 % of the workforce in companies in many developed countries is female, both non-married and married female workers
have little chance to get such
high positions
because they are usually underestimated and they often have to leave work
when they get married to do more household job than men and such
situation is solved by just increasing the high positions
for females. This
essay forcuses
on the main two reasons in the following Correct your spelling
focuses
paragrapghs
.
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
First,
female workers
are seldom evaluated fairly compared to the
male colleagues if the boss is male. Change the word
their
That is
, the male boss tends to forcus
on only numerical achievements in many situations and they can not realize the female Correct your spelling
focus
workers
' productive and influential activities in their workplace. For instance
, in several studies, it is reported that by adding one female worker in certain
workplace, the whole productivity and Correct article usage
a certain
the
motivation Correct article usage
apply
within
Change preposition
among
workers
became higher than the workplace comprises
only Wrong verb form
comprised
male
.
Fix the agreement mistake
males
Next,
females have little chance to get promoted compared to men because they tend to save working hours than men do when they are married and when they have the periods, and evaluating one personnel without knowing this
, it
is unfair. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, in Japanese hospitals, nurses, most of whose workforce is female, usually continue to work
after marriage and even while
they are pregnant or in their periods, they are allowed to work
within their capacity. On the other hand
, female doctors, majority
of whose colleagues comprise male, Correct article usage
the majority
they
are not allowed to Correct pronoun usage
apply
work
within their capacity and quit when they are pregnant.
In conclusion, I agree with the idea that companies should increase females in high positions
and by doing this
, the whole productivity and motivation will be further
improved.Submitted by kana_ayaki on
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task response
Clearly state your position in the introduction while briefly mentioning the points you will discuss.
task response
Develop each point with clearer, more precise examples and supporting details for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid run-on sentences; instead, use distinct sentences to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea and use transitions effectively to link your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Conclude each paragraph with a sentence that ties back to your main argument to maintain a coherent flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and clearly convey the main argument.
task response
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points.
task response
The essay addresses the task prompt and stays on topic.
coherence cohesion
Overall structure and paragraphs are logically organized.