IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

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I totally agree with the idea that companies should allocate a certain
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-level
positions
Use synonyms
 to women.
Although
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 over 50 % of the workforce in companies in many developed countries is female, both non-married and married female
workers
Use synonyms
 have little chance to get
such
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 high
positions
Use synonyms
 because they are usually underestimated and they often have to leave
work
Use synonyms
 when they get married to do more household job than men and
such
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 situation is solved by just increasing the high
positions
Use synonyms
 for females.
This
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 essay
forcuses
Correct your spelling
focuses
 on the main two reasons in the following
paragrapghs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
.
First,
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female
workers
Use synonyms
 are seldom evaluated fairly compared to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 male colleagues if the boss is male.
That is
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, the male boss tends to
forcus
Correct your spelling
focus
 on only numerical achievements in many situations and they can not realize the female
workers
Use synonyms
' productive and influential activities in their workplace.
For instance
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, in several studies, it is reported that by adding one female worker in
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 workplace, the whole productivity and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivation
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 became higher than the workplace
comprises
Wrong verb form
comprised
show examples
 only
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
Next, 
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females have little chance to get promoted compared to men because they tend to save working hours than men do when they are married and when they have the periods, and evaluating one personnel without knowing
this
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is unfair.
For example
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, in Japanese hospitals, nurses, most of whose workforce is female, usually continue to
work
Use synonyms
 after marriage and even
while
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 they are pregnant or in their periods, they are allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 within their capacity.
On the other hand
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, female doctors,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of whose colleagues comprise male,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 within their capacity and quit when they are pregnant. In conclusion, I agree with the idea that companies should increase females in high
positions
Use synonyms
 and by doing
this
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, the whole productivity and motivation will be
further
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 improved.

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task response
Clearly state your position in the introduction while briefly mentioning the points you will discuss.
task response
Develop each point with clearer, more precise examples and supporting details for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid run-on sentences; instead, use distinct sentences to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea and use transitions effectively to link your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Conclude each paragraph with a sentence that ties back to your main argument to maintain a coherent flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and clearly convey the main argument.
task response
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points.
task response
The essay addresses the task prompt and stays on topic.
coherence cohesion
Overall structure and paragraphs are logically organized.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
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