Due to low revenue over the past 6 months, your company is going to change its policy, specifically the deduction of the lunch allowance, which makes you unhappy. Write an email to the Human Resources Department: Saying you do not agree with this change Explaining why the employees deserve to receive the former policy Stating your suggestions on how to help your company overcome the financial difficulties Try to write a minimum of 50 words.
#revenue #months #company #change #policy #deduction #lunch #allowance #email #resources #department #employees #suggestions #difficulties
Dear Human Resources Department director,
I'm Phong,
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
backend
developer in Div 1.
I receive Correct article usage
a backend
email
Correct article usage
an email
change
Wrong verb form
changing
policy
for Correct article usage
the policy
Correct article usage
the deducation
deducation
of the lunch. I don't agree with Correct your spelling
education
dedication
deduction
this
change. Because the lunch time Linking Words
help
the employee relax after 4hours working in the morning. It Change the verb form
helps
is help
increment Wrong verb form
helps
effective
of Replace the word
the effectiveness
employee
when working in the afternoon.
I Fix the agreement mistake
employees
suggesstions
the company increment time for lunch Correct your spelling
suggest
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
employee
relax and Fix the agreement mistake
employees
woking
Verb problem
work
efffictive
.
Thanks you,
PhongVBCorrect your spelling
effectively
Submitted by ieltsmeister.academic on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your email addresses the main points required in the task. You have expressed your disagreement, provided a reason, and suggested a solution. However, you could add more specific details and examples to make your argument stronger. For instance, you could provide data or specific instances where the lunch break has helped employees to be more effective.
coherence cohesion
The email has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. You might want to use transitional phrases to connect sentences and ideas more effectively. Additionally, a more solid conclusion summarizing your main points and clearly stating your stance would be helpful.
language accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy and spelling. There are several minor errors that can distract the reader and weaken your argument. For example, instead of 'suggestions the company increment time for lunch help employee relax and woking efffictive,' you might write, 'I suggest that the company increase the lunch break time to help employees relax and work more effectively.'
clarity
The purpose and main points of your email are clear. The reader can understand your concerns and your suggestion to increase the lunch break time.
solution oriented
You've made a reasonable attempt to provide a solution (incrementing the lunch time) which shows proactiveness and consideration of the company's overall well-being.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.