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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries. The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries. The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012
#line #percentages #australian #export #four #countries #percentage #exports
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The graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Australian exports to 4
countries
Use synonyms
 from 1990 to 2012. 4
countries
Use synonyms
 are Japan,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, China and India.
First,
Linking Words
the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of exports to Japan steadily declined during the period.
Second,
Linking Words
the portion of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 decreased from 1990 to 1995, but
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
 until 2000 and recovered to the peak point of around 13
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. Afterward, it decreased again and recorded around
7percentage
Correct your spelling
7 per cent
 by 2012.
Third,
Linking Words
the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of China always increased during the period, especially
it
Rephrase
when it
show examples
 had a rapid rise from 2000 to 2010.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, it recorded the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
, 30%, among 4
countries
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of India
also
Linking Words
 gradually increased by 2010, but it experienced
minor
Add an article
a minor
show examples
 drop from 2010. In conclusion, comparing
2012
Correct article usage
the 2012
show examples
 status,
export
Correct article usage
the export
show examples
 portion to China is the highest. And Japan followed
next,
Linking Words
but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 the gap between them is over 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, which is really big.
US
Correct article usage
The US
show examples
 and India recorded next and
export
Correct article usage
the export
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 to these
countries
Use synonyms
 is below
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10%, so it's really low.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Line graph
  • Percentage
  • Exports
  • Trend analysis
  • Upward/downward trend
  • Fluctuation
  • Comparison
  • Peak performance
  • Decline
  • Stability
  • Significant
  • Inferred
  • Global events
  • Economic context
  • Reflect
  • Influence
  • Patterns
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