IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The bar chat below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

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The provided bar chart illustrates
about
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apply
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the proportion of Australians
in
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of
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 different
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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had
Verb problem
who were
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 involved
the
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in the
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 exercise in 2010. In general, it is clearly seen that
,
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apply
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 the biggest percentage of women was between
age
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 45 and 54,
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of men was from 15 to 24.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the highest of men
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
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 regular physical activities
was
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were
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 young boys from 15 years old to 24 years old at 52.8
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 and
follow
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followed
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 by elders (65 and over) at 46.7 per cent.
Secondly
Linking Words
, for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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, the proportion of Australian women with
age
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 between 45 and 54 was
the
Correct article usage
apply
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higher at 53.3
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percent
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per cent
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 and in the second place was adult females at 53
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percent
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per cent
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the lower percentage of Australian females did
exercise
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exercised
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at
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apply
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47,1
percent
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was
Change the verb form
were
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 elderly women and 39.5
percent
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 for men
at
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apply
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approximately 39.5 %
with
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aged
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age
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 from 35 to 44.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific details from the chart to support your points, such as exact percentages for each age group.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed.
task achievement
You have clearly identified the key trends in the data and provided a good comparison between men and women.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and generally flows well from one idea to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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