Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?
Men
are usually seen holding managerial positions in many enterprises although
women
make up more than half of the total working population. With this
situation, some argue that companies should set a specific quota to recruit females to execute management-related tasks, and I totally agree with this
because it could promote diversity
in workplaces, and women
are as capable as their male counterparts in leading institutions.
One of the primary reasons why there should be a specific proportion of females in the
leadership roles is that Correct article usage
apply
diversity
can be achieved. Why is diversity
needed in the working environment? It is because it will lead to creativity, in which various approaches are developed to solve problems. Women
might have different strategies from men
, especially when the tasks require the engagement of female staff or clients. For example
, many female-led organisations in developed countries dedicate private spaces for employees to breastfeed or pump milk for their babies to facilitate their reintegration to workplace
and support them in nurturing their newborns.
Correct article usage
the workplace
Moreover
, women
can be as effective and practical as men
in terms of leading an organisation or even a country. Provided that their family and childcare burden were relieved, they would have sufficient time to focus on their jobs. With a
full attention to professional Remove the article
apply
works
, Fix the agreement mistake
work
ones
could possibly achieve anything Replace the word
one
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
set
their mind on. Take Jacinda Arden as an example; She managed to prove Correct subject-verb agreement
sets
the
world that Change preposition
to the
women
can take the prime minister roles while
rearing a newborn as long as they can get adequate support.
In conclusion, I entirely support that companies, both local and multinational corporations, should reserve a specific number of management roles for females because doing this
would create diversity
in their organisations, and women
could be as capable as men
in leading the company if their household responsibilities were minimised.Submitted by emteeme on
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Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay presents a clear position and well-developed arguments, it could benefit from a slightly more complex sentence structure to enhance its fluency and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. The second paragraph starts with a strong point but could further clarify its central idea with a more straightforward opening sentence.
Task Response
Although the examples provided are relevant and effectively support the arguments, adding more specific and varied examples could further enrich the essay and showcase a broader understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which enhances its readability.
Task Response
The arguments are consistently aligned with the thesis, demonstrating a thorough understanding and engagement with the topic.
Task Response
The inclusion of specific examples, such as Jacinda Ardern, effectively illustrates the points and strengthens the overall argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.