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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar charts shows the details the percentage of two types of television programmes, namely reality and game shows watched by males and females in different age groups in Australia.

The bar charts shows the details the percentage of two types of television programmes, namely reality and game shows watched by males and females in different age groups in Australia.
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This
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the type of audience of two different types of programmes, namely reality and game
show
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shows
show examples
. The viewers of reality-based shows consist of 35% of male audience and 65% of females.Females are more interested in these shows.The most common
people
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 who watch these shows are above the
age
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 of 45.The least interested
people
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 in these types of shows are from 16 to 24
years
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 old.
While
Linking Words
people
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of
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
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 25 to 44 are average folks who watch these shows.
However
Linking Words
,In game shows both genders are almost equally interested.The most common
age
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 group who enjoy game shows is above 45
years
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while
Linking Words
 the least interested community lies from 25
years
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 to 44
years
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.Youngsters whose ages are from 16 to 24 show more interest than the communities whose ages are from 25 to 44.There is a gradual increase in the number of
people
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 who watch these
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 with the increase of
age
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 from 25 to 45.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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