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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #women #men #asian #country #test #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The picture illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of males and females that passed the driving
test
Use synonyms
 in a
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 Asian country from 1980 to 2010. From the data, there was an
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 trend in both
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 who passed the driving
test
Use synonyms
 from 1980 to 2000.
However
Linking Words
, there was a decline in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
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 and there was a stagnant in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 who passed the driving
test
Use synonyms
 in 2010. It can
also
Linking Words
 be seen that the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 who passed the driving
test
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher than
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
. In 1980, there were nearly 50%
women
Use synonyms
 that passed the
test
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. The
number
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 kept
increased
Change the form of the verb
increasing
show examples
 until 2000, where there were nearly 70% of females passed the
test
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. In
contarst
Correct your spelling
contrast
, only less than 30%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
passed the
test
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Although
Linking Words
, like the
women
Use synonyms
, the
number
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 of
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 passed the driving
test
Use synonyms
 was increasing, it was still less than the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 passed the same
test
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there was an increasing trend in both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who passed the driving
test
Use synonyms
 they took, the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
still
Add a missing verb
was still
show examples
 higher than
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
.
Submitted by anandeaadhity on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, test, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Pass rate
  • Driving test
  • Trend
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Milestone
  • Comparison
  • Significant difference
  • Broad social changes
  • Policy changes
  • Surpass
  • Reflect
  • Implications
  • Disparity
  • Overall trends
  • Summarize
  • Statistical data
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