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Writing Samples
Band 4

Methods of transporation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009 in the UK. The two pie charts compare five categories of UK travelling percentage of university (train, bicycle, bus, walking, car,) from 2004 to 2009) Units are measured in proportion. as

Methods of transporation for people travelling to one university for work or study in 2004 and 2009 in the UK. The two pie charts compare five categories of UK travelling percentage of university (train, bicycle, bus, walking, car,) from 2004 to 2009) Units are measured in proportion. as
#methods #transporation #people #university #work #study #uk #two #five #categories #percentage #train #bicycle #bus #car #units #proportion
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The two different pie charts contrast five various categories of UK travelling proportion of
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 between 2004 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are some methods of transportation for all
people
Use synonyms
 to one university, for walk or study. In 2004, the percentage of
carriage
Fix the agreement mistake
carriages
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was higher than
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
carriage
Fix the agreement mistake
carriages
show examples
 in 2009 and lower one was
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 in 2004 which was 3% and 4% in 2009. In 2004,
people
Use synonyms
 used a car more than other
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 which was included just over a half.
However
Linking Words
, using
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 significantly declined by 2009 and
people
Use synonyms
 started
move
Change the form of the verb
moving
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 by bus which was 46%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the lowest percentage of travelling
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each year was
train
Change preposition
by train
show examples
 which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 an insignificant minority and 4%. It was inconvenient for
people
Use synonyms
 who
move
Wrong verb form
moved
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 inside of city.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the proportion of
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 was an insignificant minority in 2004 and
finally
Linking Words
 16% in 2009.
Also
Linking Words
, it was convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 who lived close to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work, school
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
university and other places.
Finally
Linking Words
, the percentage of walking was 4% in 2004 and 6% in 2009.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
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