IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

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Introduction
It is obvious that non-identical physiology and anatomy will result in differences in the abilities and challenges faced by males and females. Some
people
Use synonyms
 would give a high value to
this
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 inequality
while
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 considering some kind of
professions
Fix the agreement mistake
profession
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.
However
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, in my point of view, it should be taken into account more cautiously.
Body paragraph 1
Without a doubt, providing equal job opportunities for
people
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 of all genders can lead to increased productivity. By ignoring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gender,
people
Use synonyms
 can compete in a fairer workplace which in turn boosts their motivations in order to work toward their,
for example
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, company’s goals.
Moreover
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, it enhances diversity in the workplace leading to greater creativity and innovation. When a company has employees with diverse backgrounds, it can better connect with customers from different walks of life, detect their needs and provide more suitable services.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
while
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involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in some professions, it is not pointless, to consider
people
Use synonyms
’s gender.
This
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 means that some jobs require a significant level of physical
exertions
Fix the agreement mistake
exertion
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 or skills that are more commonly found in one gender over another.
For instance
Linking Words
, some jobs need a higher degree of physical demands
such
Linking Words
 as heavy lifting, prolonged standing and waking, which are typically adaptable
with
Change preposition
to
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 male physiology.
However
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,
this
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 does not mean women should be excluded from these professions.
Instead
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, it is important to provide opportunities for them to develop those skills.
Conclusion
In conclusion, providing equal job opportunities for
people
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 of all genders not only is a matter of fairness and increasing diversity and creativity
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 a key factor in enhancing productivity and
overall
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 success for organizations. It is not just a matter of doing what is right, but a smart investment in our future.

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task achievement
While your argument is well-developed, aim to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, citing industries or professions known for gender diversity challenges could strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and presents a logical structure overall, but consider refining transitions between paragraphs for even smoother flow.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph contributes clearly towards answering the overall question. Double-check that each point directly relates back to whether exclusion based on gender is justified.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well for your discussion, clearly outlining the debate about gender-specific strengths and weaknesses.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively ties back to the main arguments and adds a further layer of reflection on societal benefits.
task achievement
The essay maintains a balanced perspective, considering both the advantages and potential justifications of gender consideration in professions.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal views
  • inherent biases
  • professional capabilities
  • gender inclusivity
  • equal opportunities
  • diversity
  • unique perspectives
  • physical attributes
  • psychological attributes
  • workplace adaptations
  • modern advancements
  • legal frameworks
  • gender discrimination
  • ethical implications
  • career opportunities
  • case studies
  • real-world examples
  • traditionally dominated
  • successful outcomes
  • atypical roles
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