The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.

The line chart illustrates the labour force employment in five economic sectors during the period from 1930 to 2010 in USA. These five economic sectors include industrial sector, sales and office, farming and fishing and foresting, technical sector, and other services.
The line bar above gives information about five
section
Change to a plural noun
sections
show examples
of USA labour force employment between 1930 and 2010.
Overall
, except for farming,fishing and foresting which experienced
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
trend and other services that
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
steady, other sectors
such
as industrial, sales
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
office and technical had witnessed upward trends. The farming,fishing and foresting rate started at over 70% in 1930 and by the year 1970 it
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
quickly
anf
Correct your spelling
and
finally
hit the bottom line
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
2010 with nearly 5 percentages.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
other services section didn't fluctuate much during
this
period of 80 years. Other sections
such
as industrial, sales
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
office and technical started at
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
rate
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
10% and over 80
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
they had
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
increase and
Correct pronoun usage
their rates
show examples
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at the end
of year 2010 was 35%, 20% and 35%
perspectivly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by seshat.29.m on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • labour force employment
  • economic sectors
  • industrial sector
  • sales and office
  • farming and fishing and foresting
  • technical sector
  • other services
  • general trend
  • consistent rises or falls
  • dramatically declined
  • rural economies
  • shifts in labor demand
  • industrial boom
  • recessions
  • outsourcing trends
  • post-World War II
  • digital age
  • consumer-driven economy
  • socio-economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • broad socio-economic trends
  • globalization
  • consumer habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!