The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in the different age groups who did physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The
graph
shows
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Percentage
of Australian
men
and women doing regular physical activity in 2010.
From
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
graph
that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been shown the
age
group
from 15
years
old up to 24
years
old
men
had a
percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
52.8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and for the female is 47.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, for the 25
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
34
years
old
men
had 42.2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
48.9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, for the
age
group
of 35 to 44 has a
percentage
men
of about 39.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
had a 52.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. For the
age
group
of 45
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
54
men
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
a
percentage
of 43.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
53.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, next on the
age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group
55 to 64
men
had a
percentage
of 45.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
53
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and
lastly
the
group
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65 and above
men
had a
percentage
of 46.7
while
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
had 47.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
graph
had shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
that the Total
percentage
of Australian
men
and women doing regular physical activity
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
a total more
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in
percentage
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25
years
old until 34
years
old.
This
graph
had told
Wrong verb form
tells
show examples
us that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
had more regular physical activities in Australia in 2010.
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
had more regular physical activity
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
age
of 15 until 24
years
old since
then
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
had more regular physical activities in Australia.
Submitted by lydiaia on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, percentage, men, age, group, years, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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