IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in the different age groups who did physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in the different age groups who did physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The
graph
 shows
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Percentage
 of Australian
men
 and women doing regular physical activity in 2010.
From
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
graph
 that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been shown the
age
group
 from 15
years
 old up to 24
years
 old
men
 had a
percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 52.8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and for the female is 47.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, for the 25
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 34
years
 old
men
 had 42.2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
48.9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, for the
age
group
 of 35 to 44 has a
percentage
men
 of about 39.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 had a 52.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. For the
age
group
 of 45
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 54
men
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a
percentage
 of 43.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
while
 53.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, next on the
age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group
 55 to 64
men
 had a
percentage
 of 45.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
53
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
lastly
 the
group
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65 and above
men
 had a
percentage
 of 46.7
while
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 had 47.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
graph
had shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that the Total
percentage
 of Australian
men
 and women doing regular physical activity
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a total more
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
percentage
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25
years
 old until 34
years
 old.
This
graph
had told
Wrong verb form
tells
show examples
 us that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had more regular physical activities in Australia in 2010.
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
 had more regular physical activity
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
age
 of 15 until 24
years
 old since
then
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had more regular physical activities in Australia.
Submitted by lydiaia on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, percentage, men, age, group, years, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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