IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

1) The comparison of the production and the consumption of rice in x country. 2) the comparison of rice and other food crops consumed in x country.

#comparison #production #consumption #rice #x #country #food #crops
The first chart provides data about the index of
rice
production
 and
consumption
 in a particular country from 1990 to 2040 ,
whereas
 the second one illustrates the quantity of
consuming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rice
 and
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of
food
crops
 within the same
period
. Units are measured in millions
Change preposition
of ton
show examples
ton
Fix the agreement mistake
tons
show examples
 and
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
. As an
overall
 trend,
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
both
rice
consumption
 and
production
 experienced
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 figure and
noticeable
Add an article
a noticeable
show examples
 increase in the future year. When it comes to
rice
 and other
food
crops
 will become remain
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 equal proportion
at the end
 of the
period
. In detail,
rice
production
 and
consumption
 , about 25
million
tons
 of
rice
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 manufactured in 1990. During
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 time, both two lines increased slightly to 26 -27
million
tons
 respectively in 2010
while
rice
production
 dramatically
will be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 to 75
million
tons
 in 2040. Meanwhile ,
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
rice
also
 will grow to 65
million
tons
at the end
 of the year. As for the second chart
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of other
food
crops
 stood at 50% higher demand than
rice
 in 1990. In the following decade ,
consuming
Replace the word
the consumption
show examples
 of
rice
 significantly increased
75
Change preposition
by 75
show examples
% and 76% respectively over the
period
10
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
 years, just
then
 country
consumption
 of various
food
crops
 witnessed a decrease to 26% and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 unchanged after
decade
Correct article usage
the decade
show examples
.
This discrepancies
Change the determiner
This discrepancy
These discrepancies
show examples
 continued to enlarge to
4
Correct article usage
a 4
show examples
to 1 ratio in 2020
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
rice
consumption
 increased to 80% at that time other
food
crops
 declined approximately to 1%.
At the end
 of the
period
 both
figure
Change to a plural noun
figures
show examples
 will
predicted
Change the verb form
be predicted
predict
show examples
 to 50%. Despite the trends, other
food
 stayed less
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
product in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
following years.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each section of the essay contributes to a clear, overarching argument or narrative.
task achievement
Try to include more detailed specifics or data from the charts where possible.
task achievement
The essay includes all parts of the task and generally covers the timescale and aspect asked.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and discernible, providing some structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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