IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line bar illustrates the number of plastic surgeries
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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conducted in Korea, specifically for
men
Use synonyms
 in 2004, who underwent mainly four types of cosmetic operations It is obvious that the most popular procedure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Korean's
Change noun form
Korean
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men
Use synonyms
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to do is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hair transplantation , which reached up to 60 surgeries
at
Change preposition
during
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 the period of the study.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 laser skin resurfacing occupied the second most desirable plastic surgery by
men
Use synonyms
 at around 58 cases.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the least common demanding
operation
Change the noun form
operations
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were
Change the verb form
was
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facelt
Correct your spelling
facelift
felt
 surgery and abdominoplasty at approximately 16 and 19 respectively.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , the figures show that Korean
men
Use synonyms
 concentrate on cosmetic surgery that
attempt
Correct subject-verb agreement
attempts
show examples
 to enhance the skin and hair features more than other parts of the body.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmetic procedures
  • males
  • females
  • Korea
  • 2004
  • compare
  • contrast
  • most common
  • least common
  • significant trends
  • patterns
  • popularity
  • specific procedures
  • differences
  • number of procedures
  • data
  • general comparison
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