IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The aim of
this
Linking Words
 report is to analyse the
employment
Use synonyms
sectors
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 of
graduates
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 from Brighton University in 2019.
Overall
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, the graph indicates that among
graduates
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 there is a clear leading
employment
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sector
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 of Service industries making up over a third of the pie graph. The second most popular
employment
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sector
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 is the Manufacturing industry with approximately twice less of
graduates
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 choosing it. Moving on, two
sectors
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 are standing pretty close with Education employing 14,7% of
graduates
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 and
Politics
Correct article usage
the Politics
show examples
 & government
sector
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 being just below at 12,1% of
graduates
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. There are two more
sectors
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 with just about the same
employment
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 statistics, that being Transportation and warehousing standing at 7,8% and Science & technology just beneath with 7,3% of
graduates
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 being employed . As shown in the pie chart, a very small number of
graduates
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'
employment
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 goes to the
sector
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 of Civil service - 5,3% and even smaller numbers to the Charity and
Sport
Fix the agreement mistake
Sports
show examples
sectors
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.
Lastly
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, a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 part of
graduates
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, accumulating 2,8%, belong to a
sector
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 called “Other”,
therefore
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, they are employed
elsewhere
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. Generally, the largest part of
graduates
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 from Brighton University were employed in the
sector
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 of Service industries and the smallest part in Sport.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, sectors, graduates, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • employment sectors
  • graduates
  • significant
  • percentage
  • trend
  • compare
  • most chosen
  • least popular
  • distribution
  • highlight
  • graduate destinations
  • notable
  • cohesive understanding
  • employment trends
  • pie chart
  • bar chart
  • overview
  • chosen career paths
  • sector popularity
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