IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is a positive thing for people who are in senior management positions in companies to have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organisation.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #management #positions #companies #salaries #employees #company #organisation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In general, Paying
employees
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their
senioroty
Correct your spelling
seniority
 is considered a good thing for the
overall
Linking Words
 salary structure. Most of the people in
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
 positions have worked hard and earned their titles and they should be
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
accordingly
Linking Words
. Supplementing
employees
Use synonyms
 who produce better results than other
workers
Use synonyms
 with higher payments can push them
further
Linking Words
 to become more loyal and help them keep up the
effort
Use synonyms
, which encourages other
employees
Use synonyms
 to do the same. Having a
salery-stair
Correct your spelling
salary-stair
 system can push
workers
Use synonyms
 to improve their respective workload and task
outcoumes
Correct your spelling
outcomes
 to accomplish higher and more paying positions.
For example
Linking Words
, an employee who increased their
work
Use synonyms
 quality got promoted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a higher position and a larger salary
while
Linking Words
 other
employees
Use synonyms
 heard the news and started putting more
effort
Use synonyms
 into their tasks to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 the same effect, which improved the company without much
effort
Use synonyms
 from
Correct article usage
the adminstration
show examples
adminstration
Correct your spelling
administration
. Giving bonuses to
workers
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 another way to improve their general
work
Use synonyms
, creating a competition-like environment can help with
effort
Use synonyms
 and loyalty,
Although
Linking Words
, these kinds of
work
Use synonyms
 relationships can cause disagreements and toxic relationships in the
Use synonyms
work space
Correct your spelling
workspace
show examples
. These spaces need to be constantly monitored to make sure no fights occur during working hours. Giving higher salaries to some
employees
Use synonyms
 can benefit the company in a
posotive
Correct your spelling
positive
 way. But, these kinds of payment systems can cause some hatred and start unnecessary drama between
workers
Use synonyms
 which makes the
instutution's
Correct your spelling
institution's
 image much worse.
Submitted by miralaltalhi11707 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by connecting your points more explicitly and consistently throughout the essay. Transition words can be very helpful here.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a more defined introduction and conclusion. Clearly introduce the topic and summarize your arguments at the end.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Work on making your response more comprehensive by fully addressing all aspects of the question. Consider both sides of the argument for a more balanced approach.
task achievement
The essay has a clear focus on the topic of salary differences based on seniority, which is well-maintained throughout the different paragraphs.
task achievement
The points about incentivizing employees with promotions and salary based on performance are relevant and pertinent to the topic.
task achievement
Mentions of potential downsides, like toxic work environments, show a balanced approach to discussing the merits and drawbacks of the salary structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: