You recently heard about some new jobs at a local department store. You would like to work there. Write a letter to store manager of the department store. In your letter -Explain how you heard about the job - through an old friend of mine who works in restaurant near store. -Describe the kind of job you would like to have - I would like to pursue oppostunity in finance as junior accountant or account assistant due to my skills in maths - Give details of your experience and qualifications - worked in public library as accounting intern as well as have graduated with high hounrs in advanced diploma course major in accounting. Currently working towards my CPA designation.

#jobs #department #store #work #manager #-explain #job #friend #mine #works #restaurant #-describe #oppostunity #finance #accountant #account #assistant #skills #maths #qualifications #library #intern #hounrs #diploma #course #cpa #designation

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Dear Sir or Madam, I hope that

this

Linking Words

letter finds you well. The purpose of writing

this

Linking Words

letter is to apply for

job

Add an article

a job

the job

show examples

in your account department. An old

frined

Correct your spelling

friend

of mine who works in

restaurant

Add an article

a restaurant

the restaurant

show examples

near your store notified me

few

Change the article

a few

show examples

days ago about

opening

Correct article usage

an opening

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

your Walmart supermarket store that aligns well

within

Change preposition

with

show examples

my interest, as

currently

Add a comma

currently,

show examples

I am open for work.

Moreover

Linking Words

, I have

keen

Add an article

a keen

show examples

interest in

mathmatics

Correct your spelling

mathematics

which has led me to learn more about finances and wealth management.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I would like to pursue an opportunity in

accounting

Add an article

the accounting

show examples

department as

junior

Correct article usage

a junior

show examples

accountant or accounting assistant.

Additionally

Linking Words

, I

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

graduated

from

Change preposition

with

show examples

high honours in accounting from

University

Correct article usage

the University

show examples

of Toronto

Change preposition

with

show examples

Correct article usage

a bechalor's

show examples

bechalor's

Correct your spelling

bachelor's

bachelors

degree.

Besides

Linking Words

that, I have completed my co-op

Change preposition

show examples

Toronto Public

library

Capitalize word

Library

show examples

accounting

Add an article

an accounting

show examples

intern, where I have demonstrated my skills and

exceed

Wrong verb form

exceeded

show examples

all expectations.

Lastly

Linking Words

, I am currently working towards my CPA designation, which I anticipate to complete in less

Linking Words

then

Replace the word

than

show examples

six months. Thank you for your time and consideration, I am looking forward to

hear

Change the verb form

hearing

show examples

positive feedback on my application in your superstore. Sincerely, Ruchin Patel

Submitted by ruchin27 on Sun Dec 22 2024

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single idea per paragraph

Try to maintain consistent paragraph structure and ensure each paragraph supports a single main idea more clearly.

logical structure

Provide a clearer opening to each paragraph, outlining what the paragraph will discuss, to enhance logical structuring.

suitable writing tone

Ensure minor errors don’t distract from your message, such as spelling mistakes in words like 'friend' and 'bachelor's'.

suitable writing tone

The letter has a polite and professional tone throughout, which is suitable for a job application.

greeting and closing

The introduction and closing are effective and maintain a good rapport with the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

183 words

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

International tourism is now more common than ever before. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not. What are your opinions on this?

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

It is commonly said that today's children are facing huge challenges. This essay indent to discuss the causes of these pressures and give some suggestions to solve them.