IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in the mail, you received an advertisement about the opening of a new department store. The advertisement said that they have many items at special low prices. However, when you went to the store, you could not find the items. Write an email to the department store manager in about 150–200 words. Your email should do the following things: Explain why you went to the opening. Complain about the store not having the items they advertised. Describe how you would like the store to fix the problem.

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My name is Alvaro, and I am writing to express my disappointment with my experience at the recent
store
Use synonyms
 opening. As a long-time resident of
this
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neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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 for nearly 30 years, I was incredibly excited to learn about the new department
store
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. The convenient location, just two streets from my home, and the promise of a wider variety of products were highly appealing, especially considering that the nearest current
store
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 requires almost a two-hour journey.
Furthermore
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, I have been dissatisfied with the quality of
items
Correct article usage
the items
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 offered at the existing
store
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.
Consequently
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, when we saw the advertisements for your new location and the exciting new products, my wife and I were eager to attend the opening. Unfortunately, we were deeply disappointed to find that several of the advertised items were not available. We are perplexed as to why a reputable
store
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 would provide misleading advertising to the community.
This
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 experience felt like a significant letdown, and I sincerely hope it was a misunderstanding. To rectify
this
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 situation, I would appreciate it if the
store
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 could offer a 40% discount on our first purchase. I believe
this
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 would be a fair compensation for the disappointment we experienced on opening day. Thank you for your time and consideration of
this
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 matter. Sincerely, Alvaro

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific details about the advertised items you were looking for, as this will strengthen your complaint and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to maintain the logical flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, framing the issue well.
task achievement
The essay includes a well-defined request for action, which aligns with the complaint raised.
task achievement
The specific mention of your long-term residency and challenges with the existing store add depth and context to your experience.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertised
  • promotional
  • special offers
  • availability
  • inconvenience
  • misleading
  • stock
  • compensation
  • voucher
  • notify
  • anticipation
  • disappointment
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