IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of Australian men and women in three age groups who were employed in 1984, 2001 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the number of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
three
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 who had worked in 1984, 2001 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the charts the highest
Use synonyms
men
Correct quantifier usage
number of men
show examples
 were
emploed
Correct your spelling
employed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
among all
three
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 were less prticipated in work than all
men
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 were employed in 1984 who were 15 - 19 it was 60%
along with
Linking Words
 35 - 44 was 80% and 60 - 64 was 40%.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 2001 60%
employees
Change preposition
of employees
show examples
from
Add a missing verb
were from
show examples
 15 - 19
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, 80%
from
Add a missing verb
were from
show examples
 35 - 40
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 and 40%
from
Add a missing verb
were from
show examples
60
Correct article usage
the 60
show examples
 - 64
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. In 2014 the big employed
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
35 - 44
age
Use synonyms
 group, 70% from 60 - 64 and around 55% from 15 - 19.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
Use synonyms
women
Correct quantifier usage
number of women
show examples
empolyd
Correct your spelling
employed
 were from
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
 - 44
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 in 2001 and 2014
while
Linking Words
, noticeable
women
Use synonyms
 from
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 - 19
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who employed
60
Change preposition
by 60
show examples
%, 70% and 80% in
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
three
Use synonyms
 years. The
groups
Use synonyms
 of 60 - 64 had
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 in all
three
Use synonyms
 years that was 10%, 20% and 40%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, three, age, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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