The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual

The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual
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The data demonstrates the portion of
smokers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are adult males in seven nations
in addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

average in 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is notable that
cigaret
Correct your spelling
cigarette

If you don’t want cigaret to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

consumption by males trended downwards during
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

period throughout the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Though
Correct word choice
However

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
, some countries showcased an increase in
smokers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Looking in closer detail at the chart, it is observable that Armenia, Bangladesh, Cuba , Mexico and Australia were states where the male
smokers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rate plummeted within
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

time span of 15 years. Indeed, Armenia,Bangladesh and Cuba are countries where more than half of the male population used to smoke in 2000, which was significant compared with the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

average
that
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
was about 40%.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Armenia,
Bengladesh
Correct your spelling
Bangladesh

If you don’t want Bengladesh to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, Mexico and
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia

If you don’t want Autralia to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

witnessed a dramatic decrease whilst there
were
Change the verb form
was

The plural form of be were does not seem to agree with the singular subject no noteworhty change. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
no
noteworhty
Correct your spelling
noteworthy

If you don’t want noteworhty to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes

It seems that change may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
in Cuba. With regard to other figures, Egypt and Lebanon were the two nations
amongst
Change preposition
among

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the seven countries, where the percentage of male
smokers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

growth
Replace the word
grew

The word growth doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

average declined, these aforementioned states presented a surge in the proportion of male
smokers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, accounting for more than 40% in 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers, world with synonyms.
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