IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.

The world health organization recommends that people should eat five or more portion of fruit and vegetables per day. The bar chart shows the percentage of males and females in the UK by age group in 2006.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of men and
women
Use synonyms
 of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups eating
five
Use synonyms
 or more servings of
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables per day in the UK in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the majority of old
age
Use synonyms
 people were consuming
five
Use synonyms
 or more servings,
whereas
Linking Words
, the least youngsters were eating
fruits
Use synonyms
 and vegetables.
While
Linking Words
 more men were eating
fruits
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
. By observing the chart, it can be seen that almost a fifth ratio of youngsters were eating
five
Use synonyms
 or more meals per day. The percentage of early middle-aged males who were consuming
fruits
Use synonyms
 or vegetables outnumbered the ratio of
women
Use synonyms
 accounts 23% and 20% respectively. Meanwhile, a difference of 3% was noticed between the ratio of males and females of
old
Add an article
the old
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 group who were eating
five
Use synonyms
 meals recorded 27% and 23%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, no major difference was seen among the 55-64
age
Use synonyms
 group, which was 35% men and 32%
women
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, an equal fraction of senior citizens was noticed to 35%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words women, age, five, fruits with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: