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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below illustrates weekly consumption by age group of dairy products in a European country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below illustrates weekly consumption by age group of dairy products in a European country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The picture illustrates the main meals and foods in 2 categories and 4
sub categories
Correct your spelling
subcategories
show examples
 for the ages lower than 25 up to more than 65.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are between 26 to 65, the range of using
milk
Use synonyms
is fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuates
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
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 approximately 1660 ml.
Also
Linking Words
, the percentage of
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
milk
Use synonyms
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
show examples
 its highest value, 80 per cent, for the adults who are 26 to 45.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is obvious that they are using the lowest rate of
full fat
Add a hyphen
full-fat
show examples
milk
Use synonyms
.
Accordingly
Linking Words
,
non
Correct your spelling
none
show examples
 of
sub
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 groups of
milk
Use synonyms
, have a clear trend, but on the whole, the usage of
milk
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
experiencing
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 a rising trend over the ages. likely,
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 set has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same upgrading trend until 65, but after that, it shows a sudden
down grade
Correct your spelling
downgrade
show examples
 for the elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
 and
full fat
Add a hyphen
full-fat
show examples
 maximum and minimum usages
is
Change the verb form
are
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 for the second group of ages.
Similarly
Linking Words
, no specific pattern can be found in the
sub categories
Correct your spelling
subcategories
show examples
. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
,
this
Linking Words
 table
is mentioning
Wrong verb form
mentions
show examples
 the range of two proteins usage versus the age of the
people
Use synonyms
. There is an upward line for both until 65,
how ever
Correct your spelling
however
show examples
, butter users are downgrading after 65.
Also
Linking Words
,
optimum
Correct article usage
the optimum
show examples
 values for each of them are for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
people
Use synonyms
 who
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 26 years old or
more
Correct word choice
older
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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