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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of the projections in 4 countries in 1950 and 2002, and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of the projections in 4 countries in 1950 and 2002, and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The bar chart provides information with data about the proportion of total world people in
India
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 at three different periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that out
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 four countries,
China
Use synonyms
 has the highest percentage of the
overall
Linking Words
 world
population
Use synonyms
 .
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 has the lowest percentage cent in the chart.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
detailed
Correct article usage
a detailed
show examples
 analysis, in 1950 ,
China
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the largest percentage of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 world
population
Use synonyms
,which accounted for almost 24% .
India
Use synonyms
 was the second place which was 15 per cent , followed by USA and
Japan
Use synonyms
 , there was nearly 7% for United States and 4% for
Japan
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the
oher
Correct your spelling
other
 hand , in 2002, there were declared in the total of individuals worldwide in three countries, in
China
Use synonyms
 ,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 by
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
a further
show examples
 4% , 2% and 1% respectively .
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Change noun form
India's
show examples
India
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 proportion experienced increases from 15% to about 17% in the same year.
According to
Linking Words
 projections for 2050 ,in
Use synonyms
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
, there will be
continuous
Add an article
a continuous
show examples
 increase in
population
Use synonyms
 ratio until
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
approximately 19 per cent. There will
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
significant decrease in the number of Chinese citizens at about 10% of the total ,
similarly
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 witnessing
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
show examples
 in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people by
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words india, china, japan, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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