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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below illustrates the proportion of change in the share of global students amid university graduates in different Canadian states among 2001 and 2006.

The chart below illustrates the proportion of change in the share of global students amid university graduates in different Canadian states among 2001 and 2006.
The column shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the share of international students in Canadian colleges among various distinguished Canadian states during 2001 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of global students in Canadian universities
were
Change the verb form
was
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 all evidently increased. But the extent of
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 and
totally
Change the word
total
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 share in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of oversea
graduates
Use synonyms
 in every
states
Change to a singular noun
state
show examples
 in Canada is different in these five years. The
percentage
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 of foreign
graduates
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 in universities in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and British Columbia was highest
as
Change preposition
at
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 more than 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 2006. Among
this
Linking Words
, the proportion of global
graduates
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 in British Columbia universities witnessed a dramatic growth from less than 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2001 to more than 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2006. Meanwhile, the
percentage
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 of universal
graduates
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 in Manitoba ,
Newfoundlan
Correct your spelling
Newfoundland
 and Labrador and Ontario was least both in 2001 and 2006
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportion of
this
Linking Words
 in
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 of
Albera
Correct your spelling
Alberta
 had the least increase from 2001 to 2006.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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