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Band 7

The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had highest sales over this time.

The line graph shows the number of video game discs that were bought in four months in 2014 from four different game stores, and the pie chart shows the percentage of games that had highest sales over this time.
The given line graph depicts varieties of video
game
Use synonyms
discs
Use synonyms
 being sold from different
game
Use synonyms
 markets for four months in 2014,
whereas
Linking Words
 the remaining chart demonstrates the best-selling games by that time.
Overall
Linking Words
, Cyberium
game
Use synonyms
discs
Use synonyms
 increased in sales over the period,
while
Linking Words
 for GameStop, Ubihand witnessed a decrease with the exception of the IGN
game
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Bioshock Infinite and Pokemon Platinum made up the majority of the sales compared to the other games. With regards to the
game
Use synonyms
 stores that witnessing a fall in
game
Use synonyms
discs
Use synonyms
. For Ubihard, it gradually went down to beneath 1000
discs
Use synonyms
 over the timeframe.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the sales of
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 for GameStop began at around 2600
discs
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 experienced the same trend as Ubihard to more than 500
discs
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Cyberium,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consistently went up to approximately 3300
discs
Use synonyms
 throughout the time period.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the IGN
game
Use synonyms
discs
Use synonyms
 saw a fluctuation prior to rising back to exactly 1000
discs
Use synonyms
 in April. Moving on to the
game
Use synonyms
 which had the most revenues. In terms of Bioshock Infinite and Pokemon Platinum, they both accounted for 30% and 28%, respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, Assassin's Creed
Unity
Change noun form
Unity's
show examples
 revenue consisted of around 15%, higher than Far Cry 3 (1%)
along with
Linking Words
 other games (2%).

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words game, discs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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